what is the story about?

realized that i just articulated the form of the message of what this book will be.  is it form? theme? plot? focus? whatever that is.  i just found it in a conversation with kevin this morning.  i had asked him to give me feedback about what i have written so far.  

me: i'm trying to write a book.  well, i'm getting myself to write a book.  a memoir.  yesterday i found the right voice.  it would really help me if you give me feedback. that is when you're not busy.  i'm writing it through a blog.

kevin:  yeah of course! what kind of feedback are you looking for?

me:  maybe generally how you receive it.  does it capture something for you?  does it get your attention?  does it draw something into your mind?  can you identify with it?  are the metaphors too vague?

kevin:  alright.  who is it meant for?

me:  generally, it's meant for people who walk the Catholic faith but have so many questions and struggles.  yet they continue to persevere and eventually embrace the beauty of the mystery and the fullness of truth. 

i'm not sure if it was a good idea to ask for feedback this early in the process.  i'm not sure if most writers would.  but i'll just go with the flow until it changes direction.  i suppose it's not so much the feedback that i'm looking for.  i know some will agree or disagree.  it's the experience of being given feedback.  it's the experience of receiving counsel. and i suppose writers need that.    

so what is the story about?  it's like any other story of faith.  of seeking truth.  i haven't figured out the plot yet because i'm still in the process of capturing what will be in the story.  also in the process of understanding what form it wants to be written.  

so far i am sensing that it wants to be written alongside other stories.  it's started off with the introduction entitled letters.  like journal entries, letters for me have been the most comfortable form i've used to give voice to the thoughts in my head.  i've been told that they sound less uptight and moves with a more natural flow than if i were to write an essay.  inspired by ettie hillesum's diary and other diaries i have been exploring like flannery o'connor's habit of being, virginia woolf, saint faustina, saint augustine, catherine doherty, jack kerouac to name a few.  i've taken them as kindred spirits who i walk with.  all of them touching the mystery of faith and using their giftedness in words to unveil the truth about this faith and how it moves in their lives.  carving them to be authentic.  masterpieces of God.

so what is the story about?  it will probably be just like their stories for we are a communion of believers and my words will probably be one of those woven along with theirs.  and i like that.  i like that it's woven along with other brave holy people out there.  

the other day i wrote heather king on Facebook.  after reading her book entitled Redeemed in 2008, i was delighted to discover she had started to keep up with a blog.  her writing has inspired me a lot as i have communicated with her.

hi heather, 

i've read your book 2 years ago and i've really been inspired by your writing. i know that part of the services you offer is being a writing mentor. i've been thinking about asking you but i'm not sure i'm that ready yet. maybe one day. :) but i just wanted to let you know that i really resonate with your search for truth and authentic faith. the struggles between integrating it with the real world. i like how you put everything in a raw form that is easily palatable to ordinary yet complicated people like me.  

i'm 33. the age of Jesus. and i've been locked in this bottlenecked pursuit of what is true and what is my real destiny. there has been something brave about your journey that i have been really gravitating towards. yet i'm almost often scared out of my wits because stepping out of the boat means stepping into a dark ocean with an unfathomable bottom below. i suppose i just want to write to someone who would understand what trying to figure herself would be about. and maybe ask, how did you find that courage to just step out of your own boat and get yourself to writing your life's testament? did you do it all on your own? did you have anybody with you that "cheered you on"? or do you think most of these things that call for a breakthrough in spirit requires one to walk in faith by herself?  

i know your busy and it's okay if you don't answer but simply writing these words to you in a facebook message has been liberating enough for me. i can't wait to read your new book. i hope it will be out here in my country. if not i hope i can at least buy in kindle for now. 

i suppose this took a lot of guts for me to muster.  but i am desperate.  i needed to feel propelled.  affirmed that i'm not going crazy in this obsession to be able to give voice or string words from thoughts in my head.  she replies.

Thanks so much for writing. As you know if you read Redeemed, you know I went through my own vocational dark night of the soul...In a way, the story I tell in Redeemed IS the story of finding my vocation. And in a way I did have to do it on my own and in another way I had all kinds of people who shored me up and helped me. But I never had a spiritual director or even a friend who was able to tell me: "This burning desire you have to write is the most important thing in the world. It is real, it is from God, you ignore it at your peril, and if you have to live in poverty, be rejected, scorned, ridiculed, betrayed and a failure, you must follow the call. You WANT to follow the call. That is your heart's DESIRE to follow the call"...But I came to all that on my own. I came because God gave me the grace to go against everything my culture, "country," political system, "the world" told me--which is that "happiness" lies in money, power, and success. 

I prayed, I agonized, i went to Mass and Confession, I did discuss my struggle with others. But finally on my own--and maybe we HAVE to come to it on our own, maybe the solitary struggle, with little or no support, is...not a test, but the proof, to US, that we're willing to let go into faith--I realized that if I were on my deathbed and had never had the courage to at least TRY to embark on the writing life, that would be the biggest most tragic, darkest, most sorrowful sin ever, the worst possible missing of the mark, for me. Of course that wouldn't be true for another person, because another person would have a different call, but it would be the case for me. Somehow implicit in that, even though I couldn't or didn't quite articulate it to myself at the time, was that I was loved. 

I have a Dorothy Day quote propped up on my desk: "I always had a sense of being followed, of being desired, a sense of hope and expectation." And looking back, I probably could not have quit my job as a lawyer, nor kept at it, if I had not on some level felt that all along. I have had just enough, and not one iota more, "success" or validation so that I know I wasn't completely crazy. The struggles continue. But I have not for one single second regretted my decision. I would not trade my life for anything on earth. My writing led me to Christ, and Christ has led me to his heart, my own heart and ever more deeply to the heart of the world. And I have been taken care of, even though I'm still often anxious and afraid, every step of the way... 

So just let your desire, whatever it is for, whatever or whomever it is toward, burn hot. Pray like crazy. Go to Mass as often as you can. Sit with Him. Consent to wait. The way will open. He PROMISED the way would open: Seek and ye shall find, ask and ye shall receive, knock and the door shall be opened... 

All peace and all good,

Heather

it's good.  stories take shape through when all these things come together.  i hope i catch it and bring it home.