in touch with the vulnerable

finding my way to the letters of ettie hillesum again.

sometimes my day is crammed full of people and talk and yet i have the feeling of living in utter peace and quiet.  and the tree outside my window, in the evenings is a greater experience than all those people put together.  i sometimes think so many things happen in my life, so many interesting people, so many books, so much talk, it's a pity i can't write it all down for the years to come. 

life may be brimming over with experiences, but somewhere, deep inside, all of us carry a vast and fruitful loneliness wherever we go.  and sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths, or the turning inward in prayer for five short minutes.

it is one of those afternoons where i long to be surrounded by people who, like ettie, are not afraid to be in touch with this vulnerable part of their souls.

i think it is necessary for my writing that i do not lose touch of these feelings but ironically it is detrimental to my spiritual health.  the balance is prayer and pausing.  i cannot afford to be lost in nonsense.  i need to follow through this journey somehow.